For neurodiverse children dependant on routine for security, returning to Face to Face learning may feel like a new routine, which may undermine their sense of security and comfort. Even those excited to return to school may find themselves quickly overwhelmed, just as some adults will be in returning to work.
Now is the time for practicing compassion. Compassion for your child and compassion for yourself. Just like oxygen masks on aeroplanes, it is just as important to look after yourself first, so you can be there for your child when they need you. Take it gently, accept your child (and yourself) where you are, and consider using an energy accounting practice to keep all your cups full.
Take it gently – triggers may be there even if they don’t articulate it
Children through to early high school often lack the emotional intelligence, regulation or even the language to fully identify how they are feeling and why. It is up to us as parents to step back and observe or ask the questions. Without your child realising it, their anxiety triggers and stressors may be present in their lives again.
For many students it has been 11 weeks since they last saw their friends or had to engage socially in a classroom. Maybe their day is more tiring now, maybe the class bully is back in their life, maybe it just takes too much effort to follow instructions all day in a noisy classroom. Every day may be different, and the best support you can provide is to accept your child where they are now.
Accept your child where they are now
When children feel truly accepted, they are freed to move forward and think about how they might want to change.
In the days and weeks to come there will be (as there always are) good days and bad days for your child at school. Actively listening, through empathic reflection of their words and feelings, will allow your child a safe space to express themselves. It is important during this period of change that your child is heard and accepted in any of their feelings.
By accepting your child exactly as they are each day, you will be able to provide them compassionate support, that meets them where they are in any given moment. Don’t plan too much in the diary, don’t race back into everything all at once, take it day by day. One way to gently identify where your child is at on a given day is to use a system of energy accounting.
Energy Accounting – building back up after a day of deficit
A system of reflecting on and keeping track of the things that have drained or increased personal energy during the day.
Energy accounting is a simple way of reflecting over a day (or planning a day), where energy is treated like a bank balance. Withdrawals are activities that reduce personal energy levels. This might include making a mistake, being teased or an unpredicted change. Deposits are positive activities that increase personal energy levels. For children this often includes time on iPad, ice cream after dinner or an enjoyable play with friends. Not all energy impacts equally so each deposit or withdrawal is given a value between 1-100 that is relevant to your child. This method assists communication between you and your child and allows for adjustments to be made when you can see or know in advance that deficit is likely.
Energy accounting is a great way to support yourself too. By making sure that you are putting into your energy supplies too you can better be there for your child. Review the activities in your own day that fill or deplete your energy books. Take some time out to enjoy a coffee with friends, prioritise going to the gym or let everyone know Sunday morning is me time for running a long hot bath. Parents needs are important too and by looking after yourself you not only provide a good example for your child, but you are also better placed to support them in the here and now.
Small steps are ok
Both parents and children should remember that it is ok if you need to take a day off school for mental health improvement. It is ok if your child doesn’t want to play with friends on weekends yet. It is ok if you are also tired as a parent and need to relax more, take a day off work, or remain quiet on weekends. Small steps back towards a new normal for 2022 are all that is needed of any of us right now as we wind down the school year.
Take care of yourselves and your families at this time.
Send me an email if I can be of any assistance to you.
Patricia
NOTE: All transitions can be a challenge for students, particularly neurodiverse students. If your child is starting High School next year, you may also like to read my article on Transitioning to High School
